good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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