real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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