Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
