Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
