the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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