I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize