Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
