A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize