you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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