I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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