Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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