I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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