standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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