a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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