Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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