I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
