Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
