I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
