YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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