So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
