her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
