Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
