I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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