I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
