He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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