He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
