he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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