Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
