woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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