her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize