weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
