it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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