Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize