Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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