Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
