I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
