Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
