how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
