I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
