Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
