My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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