He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
