RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
