I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
