Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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