remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
