did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize