ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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