i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
