would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
