cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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