she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Of course I have a pirate flag
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize