I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
