Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
