Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
