I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
