captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
