I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
