well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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