Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
