So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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