I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
