so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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