actually, I'm a sock model
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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