is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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