Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
