I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
