Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
