My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize