You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
