Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We need to rekindle our bromance
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize