32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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